Dr. Pedram Shojai
Episode Description:
In this essential episode, Dr. Pedram Shojai exposes the invisible thief stealing your peace, presence, and authentic self-worth: social media comparison culture. Drawing on behavioral psychology research from Stanford’s Behavior Clinic that informed Instagram’s addictive design, Dr. Shojai explains why your brain—evolved to assess status in tribes of 150 people—is now comparing you to billions of curated highlight reels 24/7. Learn the neuroscience behind the comparison spiral, from status threat response to cortisol-driven inflammation, and discover how this chronic “not enoughness” drives anxiety, depression, and a desperate search for external validation. Dr. Shojai offers practical protocols including the three-breath awareness practice, ruthless curation guidelines, and the 100-day digital fast to help you break free from comparison poisoning. This episode is your roadmap to using social media without it using you, witnessing others’ success without diminishing your own worth, and returning to what matters most: your actual life, your body’s wisdom, and your authentic journey.
Listen to the episode on Spotify here or on your favorite podcast platform and check out the Urban Monk Academy here.
Podcast show notes:
Key Topics Covered
The Comparison Trap Explained [00:00:00 – 00:04:00]
- When was the last time social media made you feel better about yourself?
- The illusion of everyone else’s “perfect” life
- Your brain comparing you to billions of people instead of 150
- Chronic state of “not enoughness” driving anxiety and depression
- How comparison infiltrates meditation, health journeys, relationships, and spiritual development
Evolutionary Psychology of Comparison [00:04:00 – 00:06:00]
- Why your brain is hardwired for social comparison
- How comparison worked in tribes of 50-150 people
- The difference between seeing full stories vs. curated highlights
- Why modern comparison serves no survival purpose
- Reference to BF Fogg’s Stanford Behavior Clinic and Instagram’s design
How Social Media Weaponizes Comparison [00:06:00 – 00:08:00]
- Algorithms designed to keep you scrolling (attention = profit)
- Your insecurity is monetizable
- You’re seeing the top 1% of someone’s life
- Professional content creation: filters, multiple takes, NLP techniques
- Ads disguised as authentic life
- The reality: everyone is struggling and curating
The Neuroscience of the Comparison Spiral [00:08:00 – 00:11:00]
Five-Step Process:
- Comparison Trigger – Automatic, unconscious comparison in milliseconds
- Status Threat Response – Amygdala activation, cortisol release, same as physical danger
- Negative Affect Cascading – Envy, inadequacy, shame, anxiety, sympathetic nervous system activation
- Compulsive Checking – Dopamine-driven feedback loop seeking validation or worse comparisons
- Deepening Spiral – Confirmation bias, chronic inadequacy, inflammatory cascade
The Spiritual Bypassing Trap [00:11:00 – 00:12:00]
- Comparing your awakening, meditation practice, trauma healing
- Using spiritual practices to escape ego while feeding ego through comparison
- The toxic paradox of spiritual comparison
What Comparison Steals From You [00:12:00 – 00:16:00]
- Your Present Moment – Can’t develop interoceptive awareness while seeking external validation
- Your Authentic Path – Adopting others’ goals, following their path, optimizing for external metrics
- Your Connections – Can’t celebrate others, withholding vulnerability, performing instead of connecting
- Your Health – Elevated cortisol, inflammation, disrupted sleep, weakened immunity, digestive issues
- Your Mental Wellbeing – Anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, body dysmorphia
- Your Energy – Mental, emotional, and physical energy drained by comparison
The Research [00:15:00 – 00:16:00]
- Every 30 minutes of social media use correlates with increased depression and anxiety
- Heavy users (3+ hours daily) have 3x higher depression rates than minimal users
- Comparison reinforces limiting identity and beliefs
The Inspiration vs. Comparison Test [00:16:00 – 00:17:00]
- True inspiration elevates and energizes
- Comparison depletes and discourages
- The test: Do you feel better or worse after closing the app?
Practical Protocols
The Three-Breath Awareness Practice [00:17:00 – 00:18:00]
Before scrolling: Take three breaths, notice your current state During scrolling: Notice when comparison arises After scrolling: Check in – am I better or worse than before?
Track:
- How many times did comparison arise?
- What triggered it?
- How did your body feel? (Use interoception)
- What thoughts followed?
Ruthless Curation Guidelines [00:18:00 – 00:19:00]
Keep accounts that:
- Make you feel genuinely inspired
- Teach you something useful
- Make you laugh
- Bring genuine joy
- Represent real relationships you want to maintain
Unfollow/mute anything that:
- Triggers comparison or inadequacy
- Makes you feel “less than”
- Is aspirational but makes you feel worse
- Represents who you “should be” rather than who you are
- Is someone you barely know whose life you envy
The 100-Day Digital Fast [00:19:00 – 00:20:00]
- Cut out all social media for 100 days
- Most people feel better after just two weeks
- Reset your relationship with social media
- Reclaim your life and time
The Comparison Hell Exit Protocol [00:19:00 – 00:21:00]
When you catch yourself comparing:
- Name what you’re feeling – Usually inadequacy, envy, fear
- Ask: What am I afraid this comparison means about me?
- Identify: What need is this pointing to?
- Redirect to interoception:
- Place hand on heart or belly
- Take three conscious breaths
- Ask: What does my body need right now?
- Ask: What does my life need right now?
- Ask: What is my next right action?
Reclaiming Your Authentic Worth [00:20:00 – 00:21:00]
- Your worth isn’t comparative, it’s intrinsic
- Check in daily: What matters to me today? What are my values? What’s my body telling me?
- The great act of rebellion: being genuinely content with who you are while growing at your own pace
- You don’t need to be better than anyone, just more yourself
Key Quotes
- “Your insecurity is monetizable”
- “Everyone is struggling. Everyone’s on a journey. Everyone carefully curates what they share”
- “Your attention is your most valuable resource. Stop giving it to people who make you feel bad about yourself”
- “True inspiration elevates. It energizes. Comparison depletes, it discourages”
- “You don’t need to be better than anyone, you just need to be more yourself”
- “Your worth isn’t comparative. It’s intrinsic”
Resources Mentioned
- Stanford Behavior Clinic (BJ Fogg’s research on addictive circuitry)
- Instagram’s design based on decades of behavioral psychology
- Research on social media use correlating with depression and anxiety
Action Steps
- Implement the three-breath awareness practice before social media use
- Conduct ruthless curation of your social media follows this week
- Consider committing to a 100-day digital fast
- Practice the comparison exit protocol when triggered
- Daily check-in: What matters to me? What do my values say? What’s my body telling me?
Join Dr. Pedram Shojai for weekly calls on personal transformation, health optimization, and reclaiming your authentic life.diabetic
This episode is for educational purposes only and not intended as medical advice. Consult with qualified healthcare practitioners for personalized guidance.
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