Dr. Pedram Shojai
Episode Description:
In this transformative episode, Dr. Pedram Shojai addresses the modern energy crisis that leaves so many people chronically depleted. Moving beyond simple fatigue from lack of sleep or overwork, he reveals how we experience systemic energy depletion from countless tiny leaks we haven’t learned to protect against. Through practical frameworks and actionable strategies, he teaches listeners how to identify what drains their vital energy, recognize energy drains in real time, and implement boundaries that protect their life force. This isn’t about becoming selfish or isolated—it’s about learning to give from fullness rather than depleting yourself to emptiness, ultimately protecting your health, relationships, and capacity to serve.
Listen to the episode on Spotify here or on your favorite podcast platform and check out the Urban Monk Academy here.
Podcast show notes:
Introduction: The Modern Energy Crisis [00:00:00 – 00:03:00]
- Self-assessment: Rate your current energy level on a scale of 1-10
- Reflection exercise: How many times did you feel noticeable energy drain yesterday?
- Common energy drain triggers: conversations that exhaust you, social media scrolling, work meetings, crowded spaces, obligations where you said yes but meant no
- The reality: Most people experience systemic energy depletion from thousands of tiny leaks
- Understanding your daily energy budget: You start with a certain amount of vital energy (your charged battery)
- The scary truth: By day’s end you’re running on empty and don’t even know where the energy went
- It’s not a willpower problem—you’re giving away your energy without learning to protect it
Understanding Energy Sovereignty [00:03:00 – 00:04:00]
- Definition: Being clear on what you can genuinely give from fullness rather than depleting yourself to emptiness
- Your energy is your life force—protecting it means protecting your health, relationships, and capacity to serve
- The fundamental shift: Moving from unconscious depletion to conscious energy management
How Energy Actually Works [00:04:00 – 00:05:00]
- Starting capacity factors: sleep quality, stress levels, cortisol regulation, nutritional status, blood sugar, inflammation levels, nervous system state (parasympathetic vs. sympathetic), emotional state, unprocessed emotions
- Three categories of daily activities:
- Depleting activities: Draw energy down
- Neutral activities: Maintain energy
- Restorative activities: Add energy back
- The cultural problem: Excellent at depleting, terrible at restoration, completely unaware of the neutral conservation zone
- Why restoration isn’t part of daily hygiene in our culture
The Four Categories of Energy Drains
Category 1: Digital Energy Vampires [00:05:00 – 00:07:00]
- Social media and news: Dopamine rollercoaster, constant micro-stress, comparison depleting self-worth, outrage and fear triggering fight-or-flight, decision fatigue from endless content
- Research findings: Every notification creates a cortisol spike; checking phone quickly fragments attention for 23 minutes afterward
- Email and messaging: Constant availability equals constant vigilance equals constant drain
- Context switching: Working on document, mom calls, dog barks—leaving open loops with unfinished tasks drains background energy
- Screen time effects: Blue light disrupts circadian rhythm and sleep, affecting next-day energy; sitting still while mind races creates energetic congestion; substituting digital connections for real ones drains without restoring
Category 2: Relational Energy Drains [00:07:00 – 00:10:00]
- The Victim: Every conversation is a crisis, never takes responsibility or action, endless problems with no solutions, leaves you exhausted after every interaction
- The Narcissist: Every conversation centers on them, no reciprocity or genuine interest in you, drains your energy to feed their ego, leaves you feeling invisible and depleted
- The Drama Creator: Manufactures chaos and pulls you in, creates urgency around non-urgent things, activates your nervous system just by contacting you
- The Boundary Pusher: Ignores your no, guilt trips when you set limits, makes their needs your emergency, leaves you feeling controlled and resentful
- Good People in Wrong Roles: Friend in perpetual crisis leading to compassion fatigue, family members who take without giving, colleagues who constantly need help but never reciprocate, relationships that used to nourish but now deplete
- Important distinction: Not always about bad people—sometimes about mismatched energetic dynamics or seasons where someone needs more than they can give
Category 3: Environmental and Situational Drains [00:10:00 – 00:11:00]
- Physical environments: Cluttered, chaotic spaces causing visual overwhelm; fluorescent lighting activating nervous system; poor air quality; noise pollution causing constant low-level nervous system activation; crowds and confined places creating sensory overload for sensitive people
- Situational drains: Commuting in traffic (frustration and immobility), meetings that could be emails (time and attention waste), unfinished projects (psychological weight), clutter and disorganization (decision fatigue)
- Living or working in spaces that don’t feel like your own is incredibly depleting
Category 4: Internal Energy Drains [00:11:00 – 00:13:00]
- Unexpressed emotions: Suppressed anger takes enormous energy to keep down, unprocessed grief constantly draining in background, hidden resentment as slow poison, chronic anxiety causing sympathetic activation and depletion
- Unaligned actions: Doing work you hate (massively draining), staying in wrong relationships (constant effort), living out of alignment with values (internal conflict and depletion), people-pleasing and saying yes when you mean no
- Mental loops: Rumination (same thoughts on repeat—total waste), worrying about future (anxiety takes you out of present), regret about past (guilt and shame drain vitality), perfectionism (never good enough—exhausting)
- Physical manifestations: Tight chest, shallow breathing, collapsed posture, gut tension
- Learning to read these signals allows you to catch drains in real time and correct
Practical Exercise: Reading Your Energy State [00:13:00 – 00:15:00]
Three types of sensing to practice multiple times daily:
- Interoception (internal sensing):
- What’s your actual energy level right now (not what you think it should be)?
- Where do you feel vital and alive vs. depleted?
- Notice your gut: tight, relaxed, or bloated?
- Proprioception (position sensing):
- Is your posture collapsed or upright?
- Where are you holding tension?
- Is it a defensive posture?
- Can you take a full breath or is it shallow?
- Exteroception (exterior sensing):
- How’s your sensory tolerance—lights too bright, sounds too grating?
- Are you contracted or open to your environment?
- Is the space nourishing or draining you right now?
Understanding Boundaries as Energy Management [00:15:00 – 00:16:00]
- Boundaries aren’t about being mean or selfish—they’re about honest energy accounting
- When you say yes to something, you’re saying yes to the energy expenditure and no to something else
- Making commitments from a finite resource (though replenishable, not all at once)
- Poor boundaries lead to: chronic energy depletion, resentment, burnout, and illness
The Three Levels of Boundary Management
Level 1: Awareness Boundaries (Internal) [00:16:00 – 00:17:00]
- Energy budget awareness: How much energy do I actually have today?
- Non-negotiable restoration practices: Protect these first (lying down for 10 minutes, breathing exercises, Qigong)
- Essential vs. optional: What truly must be done today?
- The 24-hour rule: Don’t say yes to anything non-urgent immediately—check your calendar and get back to them
- Body check-in: Before agreeing to anything, pause and feel—is it expansive and aligned (yes) or constricted with dread (no)? Your body knows before your mind rationalizes
Level 2: Interpersonal Boundaries (External) [00:17:00 – 00:20:00]
- The clear no—practice these exact phrases:
- “I don’t have the capacity for that right now”
- “I can’t take that on”
- “That doesn’t work for me”
- “I’m sorry, but I need to decline”
- No explanation needed—”no” is a complete sentence
- Why we struggle: Fear of disappointing others, being seen as selfish, conflict, rejection, not being liked
- Critical reframe: Every time you say yes when you mean no, you betray yourself and build resentment toward the other person—that’s worse for the relationship than an honest no
- The qualified yes (when you want to help but have limited capacity):
- “I could do X, but not Y”
- “I could help for 30 minutes, not an hour”
- “I could do that next week, not today”
- “I could support you in this way, but not that way”
- For victim/drama creators:
- “I care about you, but I’m not able to hold space for this today”
- Set time limits: “I have 10 minutes to talk”
- Don’t get pulled into problem-solving for someone who won’t help themselves
- For boundary pushers:
- Repeat your boundary calmly: “As I said, I can’t do that”
- Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain)
- Be prepared to end the conversation: “I need to go now”
- For takers:
- Notice the imbalance and articulate if needed: “I’ve been showing up for you, but I need support too”
- Stop offering to help automatically
- Wait to see if they notice or reciprocate
- Relationship audit questions:
- Do I feel more energized or depleted after this interaction?
- Is this relationship reciprocal or one-sided?
- Am I being authentic or performing?
- Is this nourishing or obligatory?
- If consistently depleting: needs renegotiation or reduction (not necessarily elimination)
Level 3: Environmental Boundaries (Structural) [00:20:00 – 00:23:00]
- Digital boundaries:
- Phone on airplane mode during restoration time
- No phones in bedrooms—charge elsewhere
- Delete apps that consistently drain you
- Turn off notifications
- Batch email checking 2-3 times daily (not constantly)
- Set Do Not Disturb hours to protect peak energy
- Time boundaries:
- Block protected time on calendar for non-negotiable self-care
- Build buffer time between commitments (transitions are essential)
- Say no to back-to-back meetings when possible
- Guard morning and evening routines fiercely
- Space boundaries:
- Create spaces that are only yours (energetic sanctuary)
- Minimize time in depleting environments when possible
- Curate your physical space intentionally
- Remove clutter everywhere you can (visual and energetic drain)
- Social boundaries:
- Limit obligatory social events
- Choose quality connections over quantity
- It’s okay to be unavailable sometimes
- Protect alone time (especially crucial for introverts)
Implementation Strategy [00:23:00]
- Week 1: Build awareness—know what’s draining, know what’s restoring
- Week 2: Start with one boundary, the biggest one
- Then expand, integrate, expand, integrate—this is the process
- Remember: Resentful giving helps nobody
- Good boundaries make space for aligned, joyful giving
Key Insights [00:23:00 – 00:24:00]
- When someone pushes on your boundary, that’s information
- People who genuinely care about you will respect your limits
- People who only value what you give them will resist your boundaries
- Question to ask: Do you need those people?
- The right people will respect your boundaries
Closing Notes [00:24:00 – 00:25:00]
- Q&A about gut testing options: $199 for test only, $299 includes Jeff Bland’s Gut Healing Masterclass and additional materials
- Monthly reading announcement: “The Gene Keys” book—large reference book to explore throughout, not a quick page-turner
- Available in ebook and audio versions, structured more as reference material
- Review scheduled for mid-January—start now, it’s substantial
Key Takeaways
- Energy sovereignty means giving from fullness, not depletion – protecting your life force protects your health, relationships, and capacity to serve
- Four main categories of energy drains: Digital vampires, relational dynamics, environmental factors, and internal states
- Practice the three types of sensing daily: Interoception (internal state), proprioception (body position), and exteroception (environment) to catch drains in real time
- Boundaries are energy management, not selfishness – they’re about honest accounting of a finite resource
- The three boundary levels: Awareness (internal), interpersonal (with people), and environmental (structural protections)
- “No” is a complete sentence – no explanation, justification, argument, defense, or explanation needed
- Your body knows before your mind – trust the expansive feeling (yes) vs. constricted feeling (no)
- Every yes when you mean no betrays yourself and builds resentment—worse for relationships than an honest no
- When someone pushes your boundary, that’s information – people who care respect limits; those who don’t may not be worth keeping
- Start with awareness, then implement one boundary at a time – expand, integrate, repeat
Notable Quotes
- “Your energy is your life force, and when you protect it, you protect your health, your relationships, your capacity to serve and to be fully alive.”
- “Scattered attention equals scattered energy.”
- “Every time you say yes when you mean no, you are betraying yourself and you are building resentment towards the other person. That’s worse for the relationship than an honest no.”
- “Your body knows before your mind even rationalizes it. Please learn to trust that.”
- “Resentful giving helps nobody. Good boundaries make space for aligned, joyful giving.”
- “When someone pushes on your boundary, that’s information. People who genuinely care about you will respect your limits.”
Resources Mentioned
- The Sanctuary Course – Available in the academy, focuses on creating energetically supportive physical environments
- Temple Grounds – Location for Qigong and restorative practices
- Monthly Reading: “The Gene Keys” – Large reference book for exploration, review scheduled for mid-January
- Gut Testing Options: $199 for test alone, $299 includes Jeff Bland’s Gut Healing Masterclass and additional materials
Hashtags
#EnergySovereignty #BoundariesForHealth #EnergyManagement #VitalEnergy #HealthyBoundaries #SelfCareIsNotSelfish #EnergyDrains #ConsciousLiving #HolisticHealth #ProtectYourPeace #IntentionalLiving #EmotionalWellness #DigitalDetox #MindfulBoundaries #EnergyHealing
This episode is for educational purposes only and not intended as medical advice. Consult with qualified healthcare practitioners for personalized guidance.
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